Dude, this has been a weird day. Here in San Francisco it’s been raining and I don’t know if that’s making everyone crazy-pants or what, but two things occur to me: 1. If you want to watch porn on your phone, maybe invest in some headphones? 2. Screaming matches with the barista and involving the police over whether or not he put enough soy milk in your latte make everyone uncomfortable and, I’m just going to say it, are probably not the best use of taxpayer money. (Just give the lady some more soy milk, will ya?)

Which makes my plan for dressing the toddlers of the world in contrasting prints seem downright sane. It’s taken me a bit of time to jump on this train, but, now that I’m on, I’m in full conductor mode. Personally, I think the key to making it work is simple – make sure the colors match and have one unifying color (in most cases white). Oh, and a little bit of sass never hurt.

All of these are from Old Navy and 40% off until tomorrow! I may have already done some retail therapy over there in the hopes of erasing the sounds of Breast Side Story from my brain…

1. For the little Francophile: striped umbrella tee / rockin’ polka dot pants / lovely bird shirt // 2. A version for the non-believers: adorable jean dress / cutest tights ever / coral shoes that match everything // 3. Little rock star outfit: gingham shirt / star jeans, which kiddo wears everyday / OTT French Bulldog t-shirt

You know how a kid wearing glasses is the cutest thing ever? Like, okay, a kitten froliking in a field with a puppy while a newborn baby gurgles beside them is cute, I guess, but it’s got nothing on a kid rockin’ specs. Now imagine if you take that cuteness factor and make it French. Uh-huh. I believe the sound you just heard was the Internet melting from the awesomeness of it all. I mean for God’s sake, will you look at her?

Tell me you aren’t secretly hoping your daughter is near-sighted just so she can wear those little beauties, which I would never do because that would be totally wrong and everyone in my family ends up in glasses anyway so it would be (if I were that kind of a person, which I’m not) a disgraceful waste of very good wish.

Instead I’m just going to wish that we’re French.

That way we can both be effortlessly chic as only the French can (because apparently it starts when they’re youngsters) and skip all the annoying eye exams. Brilliant, right? And then Alice and I can get matching sunglasses and maybe even both wear our hair in loose braids and we’ll eat croissants together and say things like “Voila!” when unveiling dinner (because apparently I also have taken to putting covers over our food) and when I run to the grocery store I’ll throw on matchstick pants instead of yoga pants and will probably be able to eat anything and not gain weight but don’t worry I won’t be annoying about it at all.  And just to have fun sometimes Alice will wear her eyeglasses, even though she doesn’t need them, because we’re French and can get away with irony in a way my previous Midwestern roots wouldn’t allow.

Sigh. It’s good to be French.

You can see the rest of Very French Gangster’s collection over here (they’re a bit on the pricey side, but that, my dear, is the literal price of fashion. By the way, can I please get one of everything in this picture in a grown-up size?).

Before we get going on this, I have to give you a pretty big caveat: I suck at DIYs. Guaranteed I will figure out every way it can go wrong, hot glue my electricity bill to the table, and invariably have to run back to Michaels 47 times. Which is why I’m the ideal person to tell you how to make this adorable, new big sister / big brother gift, perfect for the big trip to the hospital to meet the new little one. It’s super-easy and totally mom-brain-proofed. (I should mention if you want actual DIYs that will rock your socks, you should head over to A Beautiful Mess or Oh Happy Day and hold onto your hats.)

First, you’re going to assemble the supplies. I actually forgot to include one of the things in the photo (I didn’t say the blog post was Kara-proofed) so here’s a full list:

THE SUPPLIES!
-1-2 sheets of foam paper (this is for the crown part so make it a regal color)
-a box or a bunch of chipboard shapes (these go on sale all of the time so wait until then if you can)
-a roll of double-sided stickers (or a glue gun if you’ve got all the bills put away)
-scissors
-not pictured, but you still need ‘em: foam letters (I might invest in two boxes if you’re going to be making multiples of these because the Bs and Ss go fast)

1. Now, here’s where it starts to get intense. Ready? You’re going to want to take your foam sheet the long way and cut out the crown shape. As you can see I just did it freehand because it makes it more artistic and I always say why spend time finding a ruler when you can instead pass yourself off as a free spirit?

2. Sort out your letters. Depending on whether or not you listened to me, this may also involve 2a. Drive back to Michael’s and purchase a second box.

3. Holy cow, we’re really getting going now. You’re going to want to put stickers on the backs of the letters and stars (whoops, pull out some stars), but don’t remove the backing. Also, please ignore my desperately-in-need-of-a-manicure fingers.

4. Here’s why you don’t want to remove the backing – because we’re fancy, we’re going to pre-place the letters so we can get everything all lined up. What’s next? Prom dresses at breakfast?

5. Once you have them where you want them, go to town and get rid of the sticker backing.

6. All right, so I might have overlooked one step. Unless your big sister / brother has the world’s tiniest head they’re probably going to need an extender. So I’d still add the row of stickers to the end as shown above (leaving the backing on so mom can make it fit their head properly), but I’d also add in a rectangle strip of matching foam board with stickers on each end in case it ends up being too small. Like I said, I find all the trouble spots for ya…

And, voíla! The finished product! Well, with the addition of a really cool t-shirt that you can buy right over here in a bunch of different colors.

And, because products are always better when modeled by adorable nieces, here it is in action. Can someone please get this kid a JCPenney catalog modeling contract, stat? That chin tilt is perfection!

And, you’ll be happy to know it’s still getting plenty of use even six months after the fact. Look at how well it still fits! And, okay, this last part is maybe just a thinly veiled excuse to post a photo of my ridiculously cute nephew, but so worth it, am I right?