Let’s say you’re seven months pregnant and you decide to take a little weekend jaunt with one of your best friends. You know where I would go? No, not Palm Springs or a fancy spa in the Arizona desert. I would – duh – head to Vegas, the land of carousing, drinking, and gambling, where evenings start at 9pm and everyone wears teeny-tiny bikinis to lie by the pool. Because as an enormously pregnant lady you will totally fit in.

You know what else I would do? I’d try on swimsuit cover-ups in a darkened dressing room so you don’t realize yours is actually see-through until you’ve been parading around your hotel all day and catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and realize, THIS COVER-UP IS NOT COVERING ANYTHING UP.

Sigh. Sometimes I make some seriously nut-job decisions.

Having said all that and coupled with the additional fact Heather contracted some virus, which burst her eardrum (right before we got on the plane, nonetheless), we had a fantastic time. As Chris said, wherever we went was just a background for catching up. Which we did for three days straight (Heather powered through her laryngitis because we obviously had very important things to talk about like why the hell won’t Kim Kardashian finally give in and start wearing on maternity clothes already?!?!). We slept in until we woke up, ate dinner at a leisurely pace, and enjoyed the sun. In short, we had a blast.

In fact, I’d say the most stressful part (outside of Heather’s illness and the worry I’d get called onto stage during Zumanity, Cirque du Soleil’s “sensual” show, which was a very real fear because people were getting naked and I’m in no sort of shape for those hijinks) was figuring out what I was going to wear to the pool. I’ve avoided maternity swimsuits because they’re all kind of, ahem, maternity-esque, but Jill convinced me it was preferable to my sitting by the pool in jeans and a long sleeve shirt, which is what my cheap, San Francisco self was contemplating.

In fact, once I got going, I decided on a whole look (of course, I did) that hopefully said, yes, my drink is virgin, but I still know how to rock an accessory. Maybe not a cover-up, but that’s a different story.

1. If you’ve seen me anytime in the last month, you’ve seen this dress from Old Navy because a. maxis don’t fall down like pants do and b. I’m not buying any more damn clothes // 2. Jaunty fedora from Urban Outfitters // 3. Sweet shoulder length earrings from Bella Boutique // 4. Yes, that’s a maternity swimsuit (pretty cute, right?) 5. Don’t worry, you can wear these sandals even when you’re not building a human

Last week my sister was rocking a new pair of glasses and when I asked her if she bought them online she looked at me like I had just suggested she prepare for a moon landing. “Um, hello, Warby Parker, ever heard of it?!?” (You can say things like that to your sisters.) And then I realized that some people live in the real world and not this imaginary, made-up one called The Internet so maybe it’s actually me that has the problem? Then I threw back my head and laughed maniacally because, no, it is definitely her.

If you, heaven forbid, haven’t heard of Warby Parker, well, here you go. They have absolutely nailed online glasses shopping. What’s your biggest beef with buying glasses online? You get them and they look stupid! Instead they send you five pairs to try out for free. What’s your second biggest beef with buying glasses in general? They’re pieces of plastic that cost a bloody fortune! So they made all of their glasses reasonably priced ($95 – $145, including lenses). Brilliant, right?

And, if you want to keep it all online old-school, they have a photo uploader where you can “try on” different pairs. I think you’ll agree that this is a much better use of your time than doing laundry or spending quality time with your children.

My only beef with Warby Parker is they don’t have any cat’s eye glasses. I have yet to rock a pair, but I can sense the time is near. My inner Marilyn is calling out.

I did find this website, Lookmatic, which has a couple of pairs I really like (actually I’d buy just about everything in their collection – it definitely runs more glam than Warby, which is stately and book-ish), but they don’t send you pairs to try on and I couldn’t get their photo uploader tool to work. They do have free returns so I might take a chance because I’m itching to diva it up…

Speaking of celebrities, have I ever mentioned that I have this weird thing where part of me thinks I can rock things like Gwen Stefani? I know that platinum is a terrible hair color on me, under no circumstances will I ever bare my stomach, and I have no love for tartan. But, we’re both moms and love red lipstick so there’s that…
Anyway, when I saw her rockin’ these sunglasses over on QuayEyeware, I may have bought a pair (only $39.95!). There is a chance they might go the way of my flowered leg warmers and never see the light of day; there’s also a chance they might turn me into a fashion designer/lead singer of a boy band who can jump really high. I’m willing to take my chances.

What am I missing? A site where they ship cat’s eye frames to you to try on? (Warby, I’m looking at you!)

(PS: If you’re looking for fab frames for your kiddo and don’t mind dropping a few, check out my post on Very French Gangster glasses and get ready to swoon.)

It probably comes as no great surprise that my diaper bag is a disaster, a black hole of good-intention coupons, pacifiers the kiddo never used, and the occasional rotten banana. It is adorable, and, while I was horrified by how much it cost, my mom convinced me I’d be using it every day so I should get one that I really liked; then she bought it for me, which made it even easier to stomach. (Can I reiterate here how right she was? You use that bag every day for years so get a nice one that looks good and matches a whole lotta outfits.)

The intrinsic problem with diaper bags though is that they are, by nature, enormous. And you know how it is when you’re first leaving the house with your new baby and you need to bring along the entire nursery. I liken it to when I travel abroad – I feel compelled to pack shoes and clothes I haven’t worn in years because, suddenly, I know: this is their time. When I first left the house with Alice I would pack at least three changes of clothes to go to the post office, just in case, I don’t know, we were invited to the Oscars and didn’t have the appropriate attire? Now, things are…different. Let’s just say, sitting in your diaper can be very freeing.

Even if you’re hyper-organized with your piles when they go in, within minutes the diaper bag will have swilled them around and spat them out into a huge pile of chaos. So, when I ran into these diaper bag organizers by Sugar Snap, I had one of those “well, duh” moments. What a simple, totally life-changing idea! You mean if had one of their organizers I would actually be able to find the wipes? And I wouldn’t have to use my sleeve/her sleeve/Elmo’s sleeve to wipe her face? Brilliant!

Just look how organized this diaper bag is! This is the diaper bag of a mom who gets places on time with all of her clothes completely on (don’t ask).

They have a variety of colors and will soon be launching a couple more – a lovely yellow with gray and the cranberry with blue shown above. They even come on a handy-dandy ring so you can transfer them from one bag to another, if you’re fancy like that.

And not to get all crazy on you, but they also have trunk organizers. I know. My head is spinning too.

I feel like this would be the perfect gift for a new mom who has no idea of the amount of crap she’s going to be carting to the grocery store. Or for a more experienced mom who can’t decide which barrette best matches her daughter’s outfit so she brings them all for a mid-day costume, er, clothing change and doesn’t want to have to take everything out of the bag just to find the ONE DAMN BARRETTE THAT I KNOW I PUT IN HERE AND, HOLY HELL, HOW OLD IS THIS STRING CHEESE?

Sigh. Just go buy one. Please.